Drop the Rope: How to Let Go of Control

Jenn DeWall
May 7
3 min read

Have you ever found yourself obsessing—over and over—about someone else’s choices, actions, or opinions?

Like:

Why your friend is dating the human version of a red flag again.
Why someone can’t just do what you clearly told them to do.
Or why some people refuse to check a calendar but still expect perfect attendance?

Same. 🙃

You replay conversations. You draft imaginary texts. You try to logic them into understanding. And spoiler alert: it never works. It just leaves you drained, stressed, and spiraling in a mental tug-of-war.

That’s when my therapist hit me with the phrase that changed everything:

“Drop the rope.”

It means letting go of the emotional tug-of-war with people or situations you can’t control. As a recovering people-pleaser, this hit me hard, because I love a good rescue mission. But trying to save everyone from themselves is a fast track to burnout.

🧠 What Does “Drop the Rope” Actually Mean?

Picture this: You’re gripping a rope, pulling with all your might, trying to fix someone or force a situation to change.

Like:

That person who won’t text you back.
The family member you care deeply about who refuses to take accountability.
Your own inner critic, who has decided to host a TED Talk in your head at 3 AM.

You’re tugging harder and harder—but they’re not even holding the other end.They might not be thinking about it at all... but you are.

Dropping the rope doesn’t mean giving up or not caring. It means freeing yourself from overthinking, emotional micromanagement, and stress that was never yours to carry.

The rope = your peace. And you deserve to protect it.

🔥 Let Them Learn: The Power of Letting People Mess Up

Sometimes dropping the rope means letting people stumble, fumble, or fail—without swooping in to save the day. It means accepting the situation as it is, not as you wish it were. Not all problems are problems. And not all problems are yours.

Here are some real-life examples:

🎤 Your coworker insists on presenting without practice.

Old you: stays up late fixing their slides.

Dropping the rope you: lets them learn that “winging it” has consequences. You can't care more than they do.

🌀 Your friend asks for advice… and ignores it completely.

Old you: frustrated, Googling “how to make people listen.”

Dropping the rope you: nod, smile, and let them figure it out the hard way. Growth is messy.

🧑‍💼 Your direct report skips prep for an important meeting.

Old you: bails them out mid-call.

Dropping the rope you: let them sweat a little. That’s how leadership muscles are built.

🧒 Your kid refuses to wear a coat in 35° weather.

Old you: battles over zippers.

Dropping the rope you: say, “okay,” and let nature teach them about wind chill. 🧊

🧘‍♀️ Try This: The “Not Mine” List

When your stress starts creeping in, try this:

Write down what’s bothering you.
Ask: “Is this mine to carry?”
If the answer is no, write: “Not mine.” And drop the rope.

Examples:

“Their mood?” → Not mine.
“Their lack of planning?” → Not mine.
“The urge to prevent their crash-and-burn moment?” → Tempting… but still not mine.

💡 Final Thought

You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to fight it. You don’t have to carry it.

Drop the rope. Let people learn. Let your energy return. Let peace in.

And if you need help unlearning burnout patterns, perfectionism, and overachiever habits that aren’t serving you, I’ve got tools, keynotes, and real talk for that.

👉 Book me to speak Looking for a Mental Health or Mindset Speaker? Let's connect. My primary focus is burnout, confidence, emotional intelligence, and mindset!

Forward this to someone who needs to hear about the Drop the Rope concept.