Stop Beating Yourself Up: How Rumination Fuels Burnout and Kills Confidence
- Jenn DeWall
- May 22
- 3 min read
I’m a perfectionist at heart.
And like most perfectionists, I really want to make everyone happy.
So when I feel like I didn’t say the exact right thing, didn’t crush every single second of a presentation, or noticed even one raised eyebrow in the audience, my anxiety spikes.
Cue the rumination.
And honestly?
I hate it.
Because once that spiral starts, it hijacks everything:
💬 Any positive feedback? Dismissed.
🧠 Any moment of joy? Blocked.
💥 Any confidence I was building? Absolutely drained.
What Is Rumination (And Why Is It So Common for High Achievers)?
Rumination is obsessive overthinking—replaying a situation, a conversation, or a perceived mistake on loop like it’s a psychological TikTok you can’t swipe past.
It's not healthy reflection. Reflection helps you learn, adjust, and move on. Rumination? It’s repetition—with a side of shame. A nonstop stress loop that drains your emotional energy and messes with your ability to function.
My Latest Ride on the Rumination Roller Coaster
After a recent keynote on burnout (yes, the irony is strong), I received tons of positive feedback. But guess what my brain locked onto?
Not the compliments. Not the high-fives. Not the thank-you emails.
Nope. My brain zoomed in on things like:
“Why did I say that?”“They probably hated it.”“Everyone else is doing this better, smarter, faster.”“You’re not good enough. Time to quit and become a zookeeper—at least the animals won’t judge you.”
Ever spiral from “That could’ve been smoother” to “I should live in the woods and never speak again” in under five minutes?
Yeah… me too.
The Real Cost of Rumination on Mental Health and Performance
Here’s the thing: rumination isn’t just annoying or distracting. It has real consequences for mental health, burnout, and cognitive performance.
🔋 It drains your mental energy
💔 It erodes your self-confidence
🚫 It makes you more risk-averse and less likely to speak up again
😓 It’s a major contributor to burnout and emotional exhaustion
And it gets worse: research from Frontiers in Psychology shows that rumination reduces executive functioning—aka the brain’s ability to focus, plan, make decisions, and solve problems.When your mind is stuck in a shame spiral, your brain has fewer resources left for actual, meaningful tasks.
So yes, obsessing over that one awkward sentence?It’s not just a waste of time—it’s also hurting your ability to do your job well.
How to Stop Beating Yourself Up
Here are five real, practical ways to escape the spiral and build healthier mental habits:
1. Catch It, Don’t Judge It
Awareness is the first step. When you feel yourself spiraling, pause and say:
“Ah, I see you, rumination brain. Not today.”
You don’t need to shame it—you just need to name it.
2. Flip the Script (Literally)
Write down your ruminating thought, then write a reality check next to it.
Thought: “Everyone hated that talk.
Reality Check: “I received multiple positive comments and no one threw a chair.”
It sounds cheesy. It works.
3. Use the Best Friend Filter
Would you say what you’re thinking to your best friend?
Friend: “I made one awkward comment in my presentation.”
You: “You’re awful, everyone hates you.”
Sounds ridiculous, right? That’s exactly how your inner voice sounds when left unchecked.
4. Practice Self-Forgiveness
Not in a “toxic positivity” way. In a grounded, human way.
Say this out loud:
“I forgive myself for not being perfect. I’m human. I did my best.”
Bonus if you add:
“Also, perfection is exhausting and boring.”
5. Interrupt the Pattern
Do anything that breaks the mental loop:
🚶 Go for a walk
📱 Watch a silly reel
📝 Journal
📞 Call a friend and talk about literally anything else
Motion changes emotion. Your brain will thank you.
The Bottom Line
You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to make everyone happy. And you definitely don’t need to carry every tiny misstep like it defines your worth.
Rumination lies. It convinces you that you’re not enough, even when the evidence says otherwise. You don’t need to silence that voice completely—you just need to stop handing it the mic every time something feels off.
✅ You’re allowed to learn and still be proud.
✅ You’re allowed to mess up and still show up.
✅ You’re allowed to be both a work in progress and a total badass.
Ready to Help Your Team Break the Cycle?
If you’re a leader or high-achiever looking to better manage your mindset and mental health, let's talk.
I offer:
🎤 Interactive Motivational Keynote talks that challenge perfectionism and build confidence
💡 Workshops on burnout prevention, mindset, and resilience
🎯 Executive coaching to help leaders stop overthinking and start leading with confidence
Let’s help your team stop beating themselves up—and start believing in themselves again.
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